Sunday, September 27, 2009

its sink or swim

How do I convince myself that I'm ok through the tears that keep springing to my eyes? I try to hold them in but that just makes my throat hurt. Sometimes when I start to let them out, they pour out so fast that I cannot breathe.
Maybe I sound pathetic. I have so many good things in my life but that doesn't cover up the pain of the things that I miss. And it is pain. A sharp pain. A crushing pain.
There are moments in your life that you never forget, memories that you replay over and over in your mind. The scent of pine trees combined with a cool breeze, the haze over a lake in the early morning, the smell of bacon cookings a few tents down, waking to find yourself completely surrounded by friends and family everywhere you turn, singing so full of life that you know the angels in Heaven are joining in, walking hand in hand with a little one who makes you notice the tiny things you probably would have missed....
Those are the moments I am missing right now. I feel like this is a week I can never get back and never make up for. This is the big year, the reunion, the anniversary. My parents dream, their baby, that I came to love so much. It was such a huge part of my life. The friends I made there will never know how much they mean to me and how much I miss them. I wonder if they will think of me and try to convince myself that they aren't too busy having fun to stop for at least one moment and think or say "I wish Molly was here". Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. Yes I am pathetic.
But I miss it so much...I just want this week to be over so I can stop thinking about it.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

its been a while...since you saw me cryin

It has been way too long since I have written on here. Since I was reading some other peoples blogs, I decided to ramble a little bit myself.

Nick and I are getting ready to leave for Australia. Its crazy how quickly time has passed!! We only have 4 weeks until we get on that plane. I am very excited and somewhat apprehensive as well. I cannot wait to see that gorgeous country! But at the same time...I'm a worrywort. I worry that we will get mixed up in the airport, our bags won't clear or will get lost, something will be wrong with our tickets...the list could go on. I try to remind myself that everything will be ok but that doesn't seem to help too much. Not thinking about it helps.

In Aussie I am going to do a teen girls class one Sunday. I am not really sure what to expect or how to prepare. So I enlisted to the services of the girls here. I gave them all the assignment to tell me what they would want to hear a lesson on, directed at them personally. Two of them gave me the same answer and a third was similar. So, alas my topic was chosen. And ironicly it is one that I need just as much as they do so I believe this will be a very profitable study. However, it is daunting to realize that you are going to teach a class to someone on a subject that you really need someone to teach to you! So here is the topic- (topic..not title. I stink at titles.) How to evangelize, staying true to God and yourself. Easy enough, right? Ha! But it will be good. I'm looking forward to it. I think my first two points might be 1. Know what you believe and 2. Stand up for what you believe. I mean after can we teach others if we aren't sure what we believe or if we are compromising? Anyway, thats just the start.

Another lesson I am working on is How Women Can Help Build a Strong Church. To be honest, this has been a great study for me! I've enjoyed it so much. I think there is soooo much more work to do before I am done though. I might post what I have so far on here and see if I get some feedback though.

Max has been sick again. He is the sickliest dog...its frustrating since no one seems to know whats wrong with him. Vets sure do charge a lot to tell you they don't know. Maybe thats what I should do...go into business giving people answers. "Come to me with your problems, questions, and concerns! I charge by the word, your word count and mine. There is also a service charge for replying. There is also a processing fee. I also charge you for whatever advice I give you, should that incur additional products or services." And then of course...78.4% of the time, my answer will be "I don't know but try..." After all...I didn't go to school for this!

Okay, thats all I feel like writing about now. But I think I am going to get back into doing this. Its kinda therapeutic. Is that spelled right?