How do I convince myself that I'm ok through the tears that keep springing to my eyes? I try to hold them in but that just makes my throat hurt. Sometimes when I start to let them out, they pour out so fast that I cannot breathe.
Maybe I sound pathetic. I have so many good things in my life but that doesn't cover up the pain of the things that I miss. And it is pain. A sharp pain. A crushing pain.
There are moments in your life that you never forget, memories that you replay over and over in your mind. The scent of pine trees combined with a cool breeze, the haze over a lake in the early morning, the smell of bacon cookings a few tents down, waking to find yourself completely surrounded by friends and family everywhere you turn, singing so full of life that you know the angels in Heaven are joining in, walking hand in hand with a little one who makes you notice the tiny things you probably would have missed....
Those are the moments I am missing right now. I feel like this is a week I can never get back and never make up for. This is the big year, the reunion, the anniversary. My parents dream, their baby, that I came to love so much. It was such a huge part of my life. The friends I made there will never know how much they mean to me and how much I miss them. I wonder if they will think of me and try to convince myself that they aren't too busy having fun to stop for at least one moment and think or say "I wish Molly was here". Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. Yes I am pathetic.
But I miss it so much...I just want this week to be over so I can stop thinking about it.